abyssdressing | (no subject)

Mm. Can only hope that you're right, for all of us. I ended up hurting not only Asch, but the kids as well. So I have to keep trying for them too.

...I still can't help but think he'd be better off without me.

If that's what it takes...

I know how that feels... It really is your choice though. And his of course. Asch is a big boy now though, I think he knows what's good and bad for him, and if he's giving you another chance, he must see something he doesn't want to lose.

It's hard to tell with him. He says he loves me and wants to marry me, but then when he gets mad, he calls me worthless. Yet he turns around and scolds me when I say the same thing. It's confusing...

Heh, Asch has always been sort of contradictory... Maybe it's one of those--possessive things. You know, how an older brother might call a younger brother names but if anyone else does he kicks the shit out of them...? Deep down, even when he says things like that though, it doesn't mean that he hates you...

You really think that might be the case? That he's.. possessive of me? *why yes, Luke is turning quite red at the thought. for both the fact that it could mean Asch still cares and for the whole 'being his' thing.*

No matter how many years pass, I don't think Asch will ever get over his difficulty in expressing his feelings quite as well as some... so yes.

I just wish he wasn't so mean about it. I ended up annoying him to point that he smacked me with the book he was reading.

Ah... sheesh. Well that was pretty uncalled for...

It was still better than him calling me worthless...

[Luke gets a pat on the head, ruffling it a moment later.] You're not worthless Luke... you can only make it true by believing something like that.

*leans into the petting absently.* If he says I am, then I must be. I don't have a purpose here or a reason for being other than him.

What kind of logic is that? What people say to you is there opinion, not what you truly are. Who and what you are is what you decide for yourself.

I'm his. I'm his replica, so want he says is probably true. He can tell.

Whatever Luke. That's certainly a closed-minded way of looking at things.

...Guy. I spent three years with only him. He's the only person I still have from my old life. The person who has known me the longest and has seen me change. I trust his judgment.

I understand your view on the subject, but don't you find it a little fickle to view yourself differently every time he says something about you, no matter if its degrading or encouraging?

...

Maybe it is. I suppose I need to relearn how to think for myself. I've been feeling pretty lost since I came back.

[Guy scratches the back of his neck awkwardly, feeling like maybe he had been too harsh?]

You don't have to feel bad for speaking your mind. You're probably right anyway.

Well... Again, this is just another person's opinion... just like with Asch, it doesn't make it wrong or right... that's up for you to decide, I think.

I may be able to see myself as a fairly decent person, but.. I really want him to acknowledge that worth.

You say that but you let the things he says get you down; how will he believe it if you can't keep showing him just what a decent person you are?

It's not so easy to keep smiling when the person you love hardly wants you near.

I guess that's true... but it's not that you have to smile all happy-go-lucky when he's treating you like shit... I'm just reinforcing the fact that you shouldn't completely see yourself how he says you are and set the standard for yourself.

He doesn't.. ...I'll try not to rely on what he says so much. Though I don't think my opinion is going to be changing for some time.