abyssdressing | (no subject)

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[ it's always great to wake up and find yourself randomly on the couch. randomly without clothes. and randomly a male again. it was the oddest feeling in the world, really, and once the disappointment of his once bountiful chest being gone passes him by...

he runs outside, throws his arms up in triumph, and has no real qualms with screaming loud enough to wake the dead. all while still very naked. ]

MY DICK IS BACK! PRAISE JESUS!

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How many times have you done it by now? I can't live like this, Luke, I can't. No matter how much I love you, I can't deal with the constant fights and constantly feeling inadequate.

I know. I guess I...[And just quiets down. Not wanting to finish that sentence]

[Go figure, iTunes plays the most depressing songs I own for this. -_-]

You will find someone else. Someone better for you.

[ a-aww. >: ]

Please...don't say that, alright? I sort of don't want to hear it.

It's better than begging you not to kill yourself.

...

What if I begged you like a worm to let me stay?

What?

I don't know. I'm feeling pathetic enough to get down on my knees, promise to change and actually do it, and try to work this out.

...

I don't think a relationship between us could honestly work. You can stay here all you want, but...

It was...worth a try.

I just don't understand how you could love me so much one second, and then don't the other. I guess you never loved me, if you could change your mind so quickly.

I still love you tremendously, Luke. I just can't take the stress this relationship brings me any longer. Your initial refusal to allow me to take care of Asch really hurt, especially when it sounded like you wanted me to force her into an abortion. I can't deal with that emotional strain. I'm a lot more "miserable" than I put on, you know. Being a complete dick is my way of coping.

I apologize for that, I just didn't know how to act...I still can't believe she's pregnant. [Brings a hand to brush at his bangs. He's been thinking about that girl all damn day, not coming up with anything intelligent to do.]

It's difficult to just take back what you've said.

I know there is no way to do that. That's the deal with words.

[Looks up at the ceiling and sighs]

You can stay if you really want... It will just be a long time before a relationship between us is possible. I'm going to take care of Asch whether she gives up the baby or not. Even if her Van shows up, I won't let her near him. It will be up to me to help her raise the baby until she can live on her own.

No, God No. If that Van comes here, he'll die.

Yeah...

I'm sorry I fucked everything up. Ahah...it hurts so much, you have no idea.

It's my fault, too, I guess...

I'm gonna leave the cat here, alright? I don't wanna take him with me.

Why won't you stay?

[Lowers his head] Because I'll want to hold you and touch you and I'll always have hopes that maybe we'll get back together if I do.

You never know, though. We both have some maturing to do, and I know we can stay friends. Just... Stay here. Asch is going to be hurt if she thinks we broke up because of her. I don't want her to run away.

I don't want to hope forever. You know I'm stupid enough to wait for you that long.

So am I.